Today Marks My 1-Year in Remission - 11/17/2007
Today marks the 1 year anniversary of my remission. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahah. Oh...my...God..... I made it! I'm still here...all of me...well, missing a bit here and there, but for the most part, all of me!
At around 5:30 last year on a Friday afternoon, I walked out of my radiologist’s office, down the hall, got on the elevator and I wasn’t sure whether I was walking away from something catastrophic, something that was meant to happen or towards a new and wonderful life. I was simply overwhelmed that it was all over, but another part of me new that “it” had just began, the first day of the rest of my life… Or was that when I had gotten diagnosed? I was so overtaken by emotion that I got in the car and cried, for all that I had been through and for all the other women who had, were and would be going through the same. I cried in thankfulness that by the grace of God I was alive, and because I had a mother who had taught me to do breast self exams, which was how I found the lump in the first place. I cried for the fact that I was just now realizing how fragile and beautiful life really was and I knew that I didn’t want to leave it yet; my work had not even begun. I cried in joy that I would be able to live to be a mother to my child and I cried because I was this new person who I barely knew. I felt like I was looking at a stranger when I looked in the mirror. I felt like the experience of breast cancer, and God had begun remolding me and I felt sort of “not done” yet. Have you ever seen a piece of clay that someone was working on and they stopped midway and you wondered what they were going to make with it? Who was I and how would I be the rest of my life? A part of me wanted the old me back, because she was comfortable and what I was used to. At the same time, I knew that this was the me that I was born to become and that God had just begun His work in my life. I knew that He had so much more to do and I needed to accept it and let it happen.
I was terrified, now, even more than when before, because my whole life for nearly a year had been spent fighting this cancer and now, I had no where to go every day, no doctor to treat me, check up on me, inject me or radiate with cancer fighting stuff. What if it happened again? What would I do with my time? Where would I go everyday? It took me almost another full year to define who I was and to also learn to just let the process happen. You see, the beautiful thing about life is that all you have to do is show up. Whatever your fears, misconceptions, anxieties, etc. are, life is going to happen and change is going to happen whether you like it or not, so I decided to embrace it somewhere along the way.
This morning, after I woke and prayed, and thanked God and cried (of course... I cry for every little thing) myself to pieces out of joy, I opened a package from a beautiful friend of mine, Stephanie LaRue. I had gotten the package a day or so before, but I think maybe I wasn’t ready to open it yet, so I put it down for later. Stephanie is my age. I met her a breast cancer conference over a year ago. Actually, I met “them”. There were three – Stef, Kristen and Jenna, but they were part of their own little clique. I was never a fan of cliques and never belonged to one, nor did I want to, particularly at this stage in my life, so I wondered, hmm, I like them, but I don’t know about this little trio thing they’ve got going on. Haha. Little did I know...within ten minutes of talking, the group had become four! These girls are amazing.
Okay... back to Stefanie....Two years ago, in 2005, Stefanie was diagnosed with Stage-4 Advanced/Metastatic Breast Cancer at the age of 30. Before receiving her diagnosis, she was misdiagnosed by three doctors who told her that she probably had a breast infection because she was too “young and healthy” to have breast cancer. As a result, the breast cancer spread into her lymph nodes and spine. She had bone metastases. She was told she had a year to live, but she was still here! I was looking at her beaming face!
As soon as I met her, I knew we’d be friends for life. She reminded me of another friend of mine, who surpasses being my sister, Nada. Like Nada, Stefanie got me and I got her. Her spirit was so beautiful. She glowed! It was like meeting a long lost best friend again. We were meant to meet. I think what was funny to me is how alike she and I were. As she puts it, she was the white version of me. I think though, that Stef just has this ability to make everybody she meets feel special, and that in itself is a beautiful thing. She has incredible fire and passion, when she speaks, you can’t help but stop and listen…she won’t be ignored, and you get drawn in by her emotion. She is unapologetically, wildly happy and in love with life. She pursues her dreams with everything inside of her. She is alive. She is living her life just how she damned well pleases, because, hey, why shouldn’t she.
That is how I believe life is supposed to be. Happiness is my birthright and especially now, I am entitled to soak up every ounce of it. Stefanie had been throught the ringer, but on her face now, she always wore a smile. Her smile, wasn’t false or one of pretense, but just pure joy at still being on this Earth and being able to make a difference. Stefanie has dedicated her life to working as a breast cancer advocate. That is what she does. She has also, like me, dedicated her life to being outrageously happy and looking forward to what life brings her way. This is not to say that there aren’t days that brings challenges, but more along the lines of, there are no bad days, just days that bring gifts we weren’t expecting.
I know I digressed, so I will get back to the scarf. Like me, and like Nada…how interesting now, am seeing parallels! :O) Stefanie always wears scarves. Go figure. She has a million of them…okay, not a million, but a lot and when I visited with her this summer, there was a particular one of hers that she gave me to wear when we went out. It just seemed like the one for me. It was black, beatiful and shimmery, with pretty beads. I hadn’t wanted to wear it because I knew it was one of her favorites. Anyway, she insisted that I wear it because my eyes had lit up when I saw it.
When I opened the package this morning, the scarf fell out of the bag and I was again overcome by tears. She was giving me the one of her favorite scarves, one of best that she had. That is so like Stef, to give you something she would want for herself. At first, I thought, why is she giving me this scarf? Is she okay? What if she had a recurence and doesn’t want to tell me? But, I knew that it was not that… I had yelled (okay, my version of yelling) at her a week or so before about hiding things from me when she wasn’t well. So, I knew that this was something from the heart; and how serendipitous that I would open it on “My Day”.
So, today, on my one year anniversary, I ask you, to do something, anything, for your loved ones, for your friends, co-workers, for a stranger, that you would want someone to do for you. Think of your favorite thing, charity, food, show, sweater, feeling, whatever, and share it with someone else. Send someone a card, flowers or a letter. The person may never know exactly the sentiment or the emotion behind your act of giving or sharing, but they will feel it and they will pass it on.
As a survivor of breast cancer , I have dedicated my life to fighting this disease. Not only for me, but for all the women who have gone through it, who didn’t survive, who are going through it now and who might go through it in the future. Breast cancer advocacy is my thing. What is yours? Pick up that charge and do it. Take it head on and you will see that you can and will make an incredible difference in the world. If you say you care about those you care about and if you love yourself, you can not be content to just go to work, come home, eat dinner and go to sleep. You need to live a life that gives to others, a life filled with passion, love, joy and “aliveness”. Make today the first day of the rest of your life.
Today, I am rededicating myself to the possibilities. I have asked God and the Universe to use me any which way He/She wants; and I have asked myself to be ready. I ask Him for peace, I ask him for purpose. I thank Him for everything that faced over the past year – every pain, every suffering, every joy, rebirth, awakening and every lesson learned, because they all bring me closer to my purpose and closer to you all and the people I am meant to impact in my lifetime. I am so thankful for how He is molding me. I am thankful for all the wonderful people I have met over the past year and a half, all the souls that are now a part of me. All the love that I now know surrounds the world, we just need to open our eyes and see that it is there.
I want to thank everyone who has loved me, supported me, and been there for Noelle and I, not just over the past year, but forever. ;O) You are too many to name all, but you know who you are. I love you. Thanks Mom! I look forward to many more wonderful years of life, and I am ready to embrace and learn from everything that will present itself to me. Have a friggin fantastically, wildly, amazing, blazing happy, ALIVE day..I know I’ll be!!!!!! I love you all. Maimah
p.s. – Kristen and Stef, thanks for calling to wish me a happy 1 year breast-anniversary!!! Hahhaha. Enjoy your conference and I’ll see you at the next one! Until then, take care of your boobs!
At around 5:30 last year on a Friday afternoon, I walked out of my radiologist’s office, down the hall, got on the elevator and I wasn’t sure whether I was walking away from something catastrophic, something that was meant to happen or towards a new and wonderful life. I was simply overwhelmed that it was all over, but another part of me new that “it” had just began, the first day of the rest of my life… Or was that when I had gotten diagnosed? I was so overtaken by emotion that I got in the car and cried, for all that I had been through and for all the other women who had, were and would be going through the same. I cried in thankfulness that by the grace of God I was alive, and because I had a mother who had taught me to do breast self exams, which was how I found the lump in the first place. I cried for the fact that I was just now realizing how fragile and beautiful life really was and I knew that I didn’t want to leave it yet; my work had not even begun. I cried in joy that I would be able to live to be a mother to my child and I cried because I was this new person who I barely knew. I felt like I was looking at a stranger when I looked in the mirror. I felt like the experience of breast cancer, and God had begun remolding me and I felt sort of “not done” yet. Have you ever seen a piece of clay that someone was working on and they stopped midway and you wondered what they were going to make with it? Who was I and how would I be the rest of my life? A part of me wanted the old me back, because she was comfortable and what I was used to. At the same time, I knew that this was the me that I was born to become and that God had just begun His work in my life. I knew that He had so much more to do and I needed to accept it and let it happen.
I was terrified, now, even more than when before, because my whole life for nearly a year had been spent fighting this cancer and now, I had no where to go every day, no doctor to treat me, check up on me, inject me or radiate with cancer fighting stuff. What if it happened again? What would I do with my time? Where would I go everyday? It took me almost another full year to define who I was and to also learn to just let the process happen. You see, the beautiful thing about life is that all you have to do is show up. Whatever your fears, misconceptions, anxieties, etc. are, life is going to happen and change is going to happen whether you like it or not, so I decided to embrace it somewhere along the way.
This morning, after I woke and prayed, and thanked God and cried (of course... I cry for every little thing) myself to pieces out of joy, I opened a package from a beautiful friend of mine, Stephanie LaRue. I had gotten the package a day or so before, but I think maybe I wasn’t ready to open it yet, so I put it down for later. Stephanie is my age. I met her a breast cancer conference over a year ago. Actually, I met “them”. There were three – Stef, Kristen and Jenna, but they were part of their own little clique. I was never a fan of cliques and never belonged to one, nor did I want to, particularly at this stage in my life, so I wondered, hmm, I like them, but I don’t know about this little trio thing they’ve got going on. Haha. Little did I know...within ten minutes of talking, the group had become four! These girls are amazing.
Okay... back to Stefanie....Two years ago, in 2005, Stefanie was diagnosed with Stage-4 Advanced/Metastatic Breast Cancer at the age of 30. Before receiving her diagnosis, she was misdiagnosed by three doctors who told her that she probably had a breast infection because she was too “young and healthy” to have breast cancer. As a result, the breast cancer spread into her lymph nodes and spine. She had bone metastases. She was told she had a year to live, but she was still here! I was looking at her beaming face!
As soon as I met her, I knew we’d be friends for life. She reminded me of another friend of mine, who surpasses being my sister, Nada. Like Nada, Stefanie got me and I got her. Her spirit was so beautiful. She glowed! It was like meeting a long lost best friend again. We were meant to meet. I think what was funny to me is how alike she and I were. As she puts it, she was the white version of me. I think though, that Stef just has this ability to make everybody she meets feel special, and that in itself is a beautiful thing. She has incredible fire and passion, when she speaks, you can’t help but stop and listen…she won’t be ignored, and you get drawn in by her emotion. She is unapologetically, wildly happy and in love with life. She pursues her dreams with everything inside of her. She is alive. She is living her life just how she damned well pleases, because, hey, why shouldn’t she.
That is how I believe life is supposed to be. Happiness is my birthright and especially now, I am entitled to soak up every ounce of it. Stefanie had been throught the ringer, but on her face now, she always wore a smile. Her smile, wasn’t false or one of pretense, but just pure joy at still being on this Earth and being able to make a difference. Stefanie has dedicated her life to working as a breast cancer advocate. That is what she does. She has also, like me, dedicated her life to being outrageously happy and looking forward to what life brings her way. This is not to say that there aren’t days that brings challenges, but more along the lines of, there are no bad days, just days that bring gifts we weren’t expecting.
I know I digressed, so I will get back to the scarf. Like me, and like Nada…how interesting now, am seeing parallels! :O) Stefanie always wears scarves. Go figure. She has a million of them…okay, not a million, but a lot and when I visited with her this summer, there was a particular one of hers that she gave me to wear when we went out. It just seemed like the one for me. It was black, beatiful and shimmery, with pretty beads. I hadn’t wanted to wear it because I knew it was one of her favorites. Anyway, she insisted that I wear it because my eyes had lit up when I saw it.
When I opened the package this morning, the scarf fell out of the bag and I was again overcome by tears. She was giving me the one of her favorite scarves, one of best that she had. That is so like Stef, to give you something she would want for herself. At first, I thought, why is she giving me this scarf? Is she okay? What if she had a recurence and doesn’t want to tell me? But, I knew that it was not that… I had yelled (okay, my version of yelling) at her a week or so before about hiding things from me when she wasn’t well. So, I knew that this was something from the heart; and how serendipitous that I would open it on “My Day”.
So, today, on my one year anniversary, I ask you, to do something, anything, for your loved ones, for your friends, co-workers, for a stranger, that you would want someone to do for you. Think of your favorite thing, charity, food, show, sweater, feeling, whatever, and share it with someone else. Send someone a card, flowers or a letter. The person may never know exactly the sentiment or the emotion behind your act of giving or sharing, but they will feel it and they will pass it on.
As a survivor of breast cancer , I have dedicated my life to fighting this disease. Not only for me, but for all the women who have gone through it, who didn’t survive, who are going through it now and who might go through it in the future. Breast cancer advocacy is my thing. What is yours? Pick up that charge and do it. Take it head on and you will see that you can and will make an incredible difference in the world. If you say you care about those you care about and if you love yourself, you can not be content to just go to work, come home, eat dinner and go to sleep. You need to live a life that gives to others, a life filled with passion, love, joy and “aliveness”. Make today the first day of the rest of your life.
Today, I am rededicating myself to the possibilities. I have asked God and the Universe to use me any which way He/She wants; and I have asked myself to be ready. I ask Him for peace, I ask him for purpose. I thank Him for everything that faced over the past year – every pain, every suffering, every joy, rebirth, awakening and every lesson learned, because they all bring me closer to my purpose and closer to you all and the people I am meant to impact in my lifetime. I am so thankful for how He is molding me. I am thankful for all the wonderful people I have met over the past year and a half, all the souls that are now a part of me. All the love that I now know surrounds the world, we just need to open our eyes and see that it is there.
I want to thank everyone who has loved me, supported me, and been there for Noelle and I, not just over the past year, but forever. ;O) You are too many to name all, but you know who you are. I love you. Thanks Mom! I look forward to many more wonderful years of life, and I am ready to embrace and learn from everything that will present itself to me. Have a friggin fantastically, wildly, amazing, blazing happy, ALIVE day..I know I’ll be!!!!!! I love you all. Maimah
p.s. – Kristen and Stef, thanks for calling to wish me a happy 1 year breast-anniversary!!! Hahhaha. Enjoy your conference and I’ll see you at the next one! Until then, take care of your boobs!
Labels: 11/17/2007
posted by Tigerlily Foundation @ 9:20 PM
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