Dealing With Emotional Effects of Breast Cancer

I’ve learned that one of the most important things about dealing with cancer is managing your emotions, particularly post-cancer. When you’re diagnosed and all through treatment, there is a lot of attention paid to the patient during the treatment by family and friends. After treatment is over, everyone goes back to their lives, but the patient is left to deal with the emotional side effects of cancer alone. I found that after treatment was as difficult for me than going through the treatment, maybe more difficult, because at least during treatment, I was doing something to fight the cancer and during treatment, I had so much more support. Now that I didn’t have to go to the doctor everyday, I wondered what in the heck was going on inside my body. I also felt like if something was going on, I was doing nothing to fight it. I wondered about metastases and a zillion other things - was I eating the right things, breathing clean air, drinking clean water, exercising enough, taking enough vitamins, doing the right things, basically I worried about everything - not all the time, but sometimes. I found that I had changed – they way I felt, the way I looked, my hair and my body. I wondered how my experience with breast cancer had impacted my daughter.
You see, cancer didn’t ask my permission to take up space in my body and my life, it was a most unwelcome tenant that I’d had to deal with; and now, I was left to deal with the repercussions alone. People called to check in on me, but pretty much it was back to life as usual. I was still tired, I found myself sad at times and no one could understand how I felt. I was going through the process of figuring out who “me” was. I looked in the mirror at myself and I saw the same face, but inside I was different. I had fought and survived something that many people don’t. I had a body that had gone through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation and had had something inside of it that I didn’t want. It is interesting to me that my metamorphosis continues, even a year after being diagnosed with cancer. I had a massage the other day and the masseuse, listening to me talk about my chest pain and stress in my chest and shoulders, told me that I talked about my body as if it wasn’t a part of me. That surprised me, because here I thought I was an expert at the mind, body, spirit connection, but I knew that at times I feel disconnected from my physical self. I have spent quite a bit of time over the past year working on me and trying to define who I am after breast cancer. I think that perhaps I will be doing this for some time. I deserve it. ;O) For 32 years, I was the person I knew. Then, without a warning, I underwent an experience that turned every idea of myself upside down on its head and the ideas and beliefs by which I defined my life – friends, family, love, career, focus. I now wanted and realized that I wanted to spend so much much more time focusing on the love of my life, my daughter Noelle. I found that I wasn’t sure who I was anymore and similar to an amnesiac patient or a toddler, I was kind of watching myself and finding myself surprised, sometimes pleasantly by the changes, and sometimes not, when they involved me having to change the people I spent my time with, or not having interest in the things I used to do. My passion was different now and so were my desires. Who was this Maimah and what would she do? It was nice to find out, in talking to my friends Stefanie, Jenna and Kristin the other day, that they felt very much like I did. Oh, I thought, I'm not alone. We are all advocates, we are all powerful and strong, but we are all still young women, with feelings, thoughts and fears of our own. As I told them when we talked, "Being strong doesn't mean we don't have the right to be afraid or to cry. Being who we are, embracing these new changes and being human is what makes us part of the human race."In an effort to “get myself back”, a few months ago, I went to the hair salon and told my stylist to give me a long, curly weave. I told her, “Make me look like I used to look.” And, she did. When I turned around and looked in the mirror, I was shocked and ecstatic to see that I looked just like the me I used to know, I almost burst into tears. The only difference was that I didn’t feel like that girl anymore. I missed her and I wanted her back, but I knew now that I am a new me, a wonderful me, and a survivor me with a passion for empowering women and fighting breast cancer. The new me is dedicated to saving lives. I realized that this was me now and I’m learning more about this new person every day. I think I love her. She’s pretty amazing, and so are you.What I would like to see from the health community is more interest in studying and treating women post-surgery, chemo and radiation. It can’t be that women go through all the trauma and then are just put back out into the world without a mechanism to cope with the changes in her life. Studying and treating women post-treatment should be a part of the treatment. With about 200,000 women being affected by cancer a year, how can we not invest in those women’s overall emotional well-being after cancer? Isn’t it apparent to the healthcare providers that women’s emotional wellness affects their physical being as well?I am part of a study with the City of Hope that is doing research on women’s needs after treatment and how they cope with breast cancer. I applaud what they are doing and I believe more healthcare providers should offer these types of services. I’ve spoken with many women, who even years later, are part of a support group, but there are also those who need to work with a professional and who need to have their family and network of friends acknowledge that even though treatment is over, they are now living with cancer and that they don’t have to stop calling. After the treatment, most women need as much support than during because now, she has to cope with life afterwards, the affects on her body, her mind, her spirit and also the idea of recurrence. So, for those of you who have a loved one going through or living with breast cancer, I applaud your support of that person, but don’t stop once their treatment is over. Don’t be afraid to call and offer your help. Don’t hesitate to visit or to offer support. Your support and your calls make it a more nurturing process as we redefine ourselves and create a new life after cancer. I, for one, had and have an awesome support system. I love my family and friends. Noelle and I couldn’t have done it without them, but sometimes, they just didn’t get it and I wondered if I really wanted them to. I wanted them to understand me, but I didn’t want them to ever have to understand breast cancer the way that I did.They like to call me Superwoman, because I am always doing a lot, and I am …Superwoman, that is…I guess – haha…:O), but sometimes, now, I get tired more easily than I used to, or feel challenged about certain things, my focus and needs are different; and I had to tell my family and friends how I felt, so they could understand what I was going through and that was hard. I hadn’t wanted to be different, but I’d changed, and as I was accepting who I now was, they were growing right alongside me. I found that they had changed as well, through my experience, so, through dialogue, we helped each other out. I can call them and say whether I'm happy or sad and tell them that they just need to listen and not try to cure cancer or solve all the problems with one phone call...hahah. Like I told my best friend the other day, don't try to make me feel better...just listen and now she knows just how to help me! ;O)My mother, who was my primary caregiver, has gone through a lot watching me be sick and caring for me and my then dying grandmother and helping with Noelle at the same time, my aunt who came from Tunisia for the duration of my treatment was impacted, my daughter, who, at 3 years old, watched me lose my hair and go through chemo at a very young age, my brothers, cousins, my friends and co-workers. You all have people too, in your lives who are impacted by the disease -husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, children, friends and other family. It is important to talk about how breast cancer impacted them, and help each other through the healing process. My friends and family tell me that watching me go through that scared, empowered and strengthened them as well, but you know what, we now have such a deeper appreciation and love for each other. I know that this blog is a ramble, but I needed to get these thoughts out there, because I know that many of you are dealing with some of the same things too. Until next time, I love you all, have a beautiful day, and live your life today as vastly as you can. I know I will. ;O) Is it really Monday already? (Yawn~)